Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2017 06 22 Journal Excerpt Page 36 June 22, 2017

Here I go again on another emotional trek. It seems that’s mostly what I did back a few years ago. I lived a little, I felt a lot. It’s pretty safe to say that a lot of what I was feeling was so different, I wouldn’t have been able to put a name with the emotion. Fact is, if faced with those same emotions today, I probably still couldn’t pin a name to it. I lived it though, and learned a great deal from it, from them.

 

This next excerpt took me back to a place that I’ll never ever have to worry about forgetting. The level that this page grabbed hold of me was unforgettable, and the lesson learned was priceless.

 

I hope you’re having a great day, and I’ll catch up with ya later on.

 

Be well.

 

Deon

 

***

 

Excerpt describes summer 2011.

 

Page 36

 

With each O&M lesson came different situations which proved to supply me with different experiences. As my written overviews detailed the lessons, they allowed me to go back and explore those experiences from my own unique perspective. So many lessons accompanied so many memorable moments.

 

One of the most memorable of the bunch was the time when I didn’t care much for where the street ended. There I was, walking my way down the sidewalk, when all of a sudden, I took three or four steps onto a lawn. I turned to face Rosemary and asked her what the hell happened, and why I was standing on grass. I imagine she was smiling as she looked at me and told me to figure it out.

 

Well, I turned a quarter turn, then another, then another, and again asked her where I was. The panic slowly subsided, only to be replaced with a level of confusion that I had rarely faced.

 

She was very determined not to help me figure it out, and so as I turned where I stood, I tried to figure it out. The audio clues continued to come at me, but I couldn’t put them to any good use. I looked up to find where the sun was, then listened again to the sounds. Cars going by, children playing, a dog barking, they all mixed into my head like a chef’s salad, and for the life of me, I couldn’t find the ranch dressing.

 

Finally, as I slowly started to remember where we were, the neighborhood, the pieces of the puzzle began falling into place. The children were out at recess at a school that was at the end of the street where I had been walking. The traffic was running back and forth, which I knew was Pleasant Street. The sun was, for the most part, in the eastern sky, for it was fairly early in the morning. The grass? The grass? Really? Now, let me think.

 

And think I did, until a smile crept across my face.

 

Rosemary asked me what I was smiling about, and I began to tell her what I thought had happened to the wandering goat.

 

I had reached the end of School Street, which had the school on my right as I approached the street corner, the School Street and Pleasant Street corner. This particular street corner was not raised up from the street, but was flush with the street level, which explains why I didn’t detect it with my cane. I swept right past the tactile mat at the corner, not hitting it with my cane, and proceeded to walk right across the street without knowing it. Rosemary had walked up beside me as I approached the corner to make sure there was no traffic coming along Pleasant Street. There wasn’t, so she let me walk across the street, through the opposite sidewalk, which was also level with the street, and up onto the lawn of an apartment building, where I finally realized something was wrong and stopped.

 

This was one of the most awakening moments of my mobility experiences. I will never forget it, and as I write about it right now, those same emotions came rolling in. Remembering back, I am pretty sure that I had become completely caught off guard, mostly because my concentration had been broken. The sounds of the children outside playing at recess picked me up and carried me away. This was the second time we had been around that same block that morning, and I guess you could say I was feeling a little cocky. I was so self assured that there would be no problems to think through, no obstacles to work through, no dilemmas to have to problem solve through. It was just me, my cane, and my misplaced ego against the great big beautiful visual world.

 

Man how 8 seconds can change your attitude.

 

To be continued…

 

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2016 04 06 Poetry: Explosion April 6, 2016

Happy April the 6th to you all.

I lost my sight a few years ago, but oh how I still can see. How I have learned how to see a different way, a new direction, and as I see things differently today, I still remember the visions of my past. I also remember those first days of vision loss back in 2010, and as troubling as those days were, I believe that those days, weeks, months were probably some of the most important in my life, for as you all know, with pain, there is growth, and with growth, there is always hope that tomorrow will be a better day than today. Yes, it’s true that some tomorrows were better, and some I wished I could have given away, but to what end.

This poem, like a lot of other poems I have written, wanders down those darkened roads that vision loss took me down. The feelings, the feelings. Oh my how those feelings found a home whether I wanted them or not.

For what it’s worth, I needed to go through what I went through. I needed the hardened lessons of those days so that I might be able to enjoy the good times that were still ahead of me.

This is the sixth poem for the month, and I hope you all are able to see, hear and feel the goodness that each day can bring to you.

There’s a lot of it out there, so what do you say and go grab yourself some, ok?

Thanks for dropping in, and do drop in again.

dp

***

Explosion
A Poem by DP Lyons

The night slowly closes in
An unwelcomed tone starts to settle in
Worried thoughts cause commotion as they barge in
Darkened dreams are constantly mixed in

Confusing feelings tug at you
Endless havoc has its way with you
Scattered emotions rain down on you
Restless heart pounds deep within you

Battered spirit wanders away
Menacing demons pull you away
Familiar voices seem miles away
Soothing memories are quickly rushed away

Blindness has an unwanted feel
Panic numbs as you forget how to feel
Tormenting darkness dares you to feel
Senses explode as you touch, as you feel

Take a small step, learn how once again
Figure it out, live it again
Stand tall and proud, walk forward again
As new visions take shape, breathe in deep again

 

2014 12 18 Week 17 – A Big, Beautiful Blur December 18, 2014

Week 17: A Big, Beautiful Blur

Excuse me? Have you seen my fall semester? I was sure I set it down right over, umm, hmm, that’s weird. I know it was right over here just a little bit ago.

Could it be? Is it possible? Perhaps the fall semester is over and done with? Perhaps it came, it became and it went riding off into my past? Perhaps I typed that last phrase in my last post?

To tell you the truth, I don’t think I have ever had four months go by so fast in my life, let alone the whole year. It’s like, here you go, and there it was, gone. I remember hitting the mid term and thinking that I couldn’t believe how fast the first half of the semester seemed to have chugged right by. Now? Well, let’s just say I’m scratching my head trying to figure out how time can speed by so fast.

The semester is finished. The final tests and papers have been turned in. The laptop bag is slung over the chair until a few weeks into the New Year. The time is at hand to take a look back, and reflect. So much has happened these past four months. So many things have spun me around sideways as they came hurdling by. So many times during the past few months I have had to step back and keep telling myself that indeed, I was in college.

Overall, it was an incredible learning opportunity for me. At the onset, I tried to get in touch with as many people at the college as I could. I needed so much information, and I also needed reassurances that I had all the bases covered, leaving nothing behind that I would wind up needing later on. The accessibility challenges were hard, the work was even harder, and the ability to look past my own inhibitions proved to be the biggest achievement of all.

I remember a month or so into the semester, as I worked on a 3 section homework assignment in Tech Math. I sat and listened to my audio version of the text book, and the gentleman reading the problems to me, and then I remember asking myself why I would think I could do all this work. I asked myself how I was ever going to finish all of this incredibly, long, hard, demanding work. I looked down, shook my head, chuckled to myself, then started in on the next exercise. I think I worked on Math about six or seven hours that afternoon and into the evening, and as I finished the last problem, a sense of accomplishment swept through me that seemed to chase all the doubt away. Each time, during the semester when I ran up against the odds, I found myself continuously putting my head down and moving forward, and with each time, there seemed to be a calming, quiet tone inside that kept telling me that everything would work itself out if I just keep trying. And try I did. There were a few moments of second guessing, but determination reigned supreme, and coupled with the amount of assistance I received from the school, well, one semester down, and a few more to go.

My mobility with the campus only caused me a few embarrassing moments, like over shooting the main entrance at the Hinckley Campus, or not being able to find the door to my math class, or walking straight across the hallway without knowing it and entering the book store. There were ups and downs and ins and outs, but all of them added together equaled a semester full of first time experiences.

I know I’ve said this a few times, but it really is true that I owe so many, so much. None of it though would have been possible without one ingredient. Me! I have accomplished something that will be with me until my time here is done, and then probably even longer.

I’ll end this post by thanking all those who had a hand in helping me in my college quest. It has been a most remarkable experience, and I owe so much of it to you all.

May you have a wonderful and Merry Christmas, and here’s hoping the New Year brings you a year’s worth of magical memories that last you until 2016.

Be well all, and I’ll see you next semester.

dp