Word Count 998
Blog Address: http://www.dplyons.wordpress.com
Boy were my perceptions a little distorted back in 2010. Reading back through the journal, it’s apparent to me that I became so needy that I grew to expect things from people. I became selfish and unfeeling outside of my own pain and anguish. As many wrenches as life was throwing at me, it seems that I didn’t do the smart thing, which would have been to catch the wrenches, open my tool box and stock up. What I became good at was blocking the flying tools with my forearms while I cursed my very existence.
I apologize to anyone that I have looked down to, talked down to, and expected things from which was completely uncalled for. I know that I still do fall back into my little nook sometimes, and I’m in no way finished working through the process of grieving. They say that time heals all wounds, but it has become fairly apparent to me that there’s a ton of things that I still need to work on.
While I keep working, I invite you to keep reading. Thank you all for your help, your friendship and once again, away we go.
After I returned from the Carroll Center, I also contacted the Lions Club in Clinton because I had heard about them at one of the class seminars at the center. I had no idea that the Lions organization had so much to do with helping folks with vision problems.
I wrote an email to the head of our local chapter here in town, and was answered by the head person. She asked me if I would be interested in speaking at one of their monthly meetings in town. We were invited for the supper event that coincides with the meetings. I gladly accepted and was quite excited at the chance. I thought I would be nervous, but at the end, I was really not. The fact that I could not see the people at the meeting as I spoke probably had a lot to do with my non fear factor. I had always been terrified to speak in front of people in the past, but found that it was rather easy to speak that night.
One of the regional big wigs of the organization was also in attendance at the meeting. He spoke to the group and told them that one of the main reasons that the lions club was formed, was to help and assist people such as me.
We were graciously welcomed at the meeting, and treated with the utmost courtesy and friendship. It was a true fellowship feeling.
I did speak with passion and a little sense of humor, as I always have in those situations. At one point, I was speaking, and Lynne kept whispering for me to turn to the right. I did. She told me to turn to the right a little more. I did. Still, she told me to turn to the right. I asked her if I was speaking to the wall. One of the men at the head table told me that I was speaking to the ,American flag behind the head table. It seemed that as I was speaking, I was slowly rocking back and forth. As I rocked back and forth, my feet shuffled, and continuously slowly turned me around to the left, until I was facing at around seven o’clock. He told me that I was speaking to the flag, and then I put my hand over my heart and said, “Well, God Bless America.” The whole place burst out in laughter. Lynne told me that my ears were beet red, which happens to me when I get embarrassed.
The night was a lot of fun, and I felt really good afterwards. I knew a couple people at the meeting, and they came up to me after to say hi. We left with the feeling that we would be in touch with the Lions Club a lot in the future.
To this day, fall 2011, , we have heard from no one belonging to the organization. I did find out that Leona has also been involved with the organization, and this past spring, she went to one of their regional events at Sunday River. She keeps telling me that the organization is going to be in contact with me about some sort of offer or something. She also wants us to join the organization. I have my doubts.
My folks reached out to the organization when I was an infant, as they were looking at an incredible task of getting my mother and me down to New York City for cancer treatments. The organization did nothing in the form of any kind of help. My folks have held a sore spot in their hearts for the Lions Club ever since. ?This fact, along with the fact that I have had no offerings of assistance what so ever, have left me with a sour taste in my mouth as well.
I realize as I write this that my perceptions of the Lions Club arise from the turmoil I was going through, and in a fractured state of mind as I had laid claim to, strange perceptions and expectations can work in to your mind and play havoc with your approach to many, many things. How can I come to expect things from a source that I knew nothing about? How twisted is that? How twisted was my logic back then? Should I consider this as one of my stepping stones, one of my learning points? Just asking these questions leads me to believe that the answer is, yes.
On that December day back in 2010, I came to the bitter conclusion that I would wait to see what was to transpire. The last thing I wanted was to close any doors in my life. I could not, and can not afford to by any means.
To be continued…