Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2017 05 28: Journal Excerpt Page 11 May 28, 2017

Filed under: Essay,Humility,Inspiration,Life,Perception,Writing — DP Lyons @ 7:26 am

There’s certain periods in my life when I have been faced with difficult tasks. The build up to these times were hard, mostly because I would go through the possible scenarios in my mind time and time again. Man what a waste of time that was. I’m sure most of you know what I mean, because we’re all so much alike in this respect.

Being faced with so many new experiences, 2010 was the largest stepping stone my life had ever seen, and there I was, smack dab in the middle of it. If not for the people in my life, I would have drifted off into the land of no return, but the people were there, in my life, crossing my path, and for that, I became as grateful as a goat could ever be.

Summer was heading towards fall in a flurry of activity, and as the time continued to move forward, the learning never stopped.

Be well all, and enjoy it all.

Deon

***

Page 11

My O&M lessons with Rosemary continued to be some of the hardest things I have evrer had to do. Time and time again the lessons proved to be quite humbling, and a continuous smack upside the head with an assortment of blows from reality. I remember getting home from the lessons exhausted. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I didn’t like the lessons in the least. I still don’t like them, but I realize that they are probably one of the most necessary things I have ever done in my life. Nothing has ever had more of an impact on me than these. Nothing has ever tore me down to ground level like these have. Nothing has proven to be the hardest thing I have ever done, ever. Nothing compares. Nothing.

I still feel that when I’m out on a lesson, I’m putting myself out there for the whole world to see. I might as well be walking down the road bare naked with tassles stapled to my ass and earlobes. That’s what it feels like sometimes.

Sorry for that devastating mental image.

That’s the kind of mental anguish that I put my self through in my mind. I can’t stop it. Although I do feel rather good about my accomplishments afterwards. I get a feeling of gratitude also though. Gratitude that the lesson was all over with until the next one. Until the next one. There always seemed to be a next one.

Over all I felt quite awkward walking the sidewalks of Waterville. I went through, and still go through spurts of bad balance and dizziness. It seems that the harder that I try to utilize my sight, the harder it is on me. I do get quite dizzy and confused and frustrated when I concentrate and try to get some use out of my limited vision. It’s like everything is right there, just out of sight a little. If I could only reach out and pull the stuff out of the mirky muck and into some good vision, everything would be so much better. I convince myself sometimes that I can see better than I really can. It’s almost like I’m building a version of what’s really inside my mind. The version of my minds scenarios is occasionally pretty close to what actually is, but I have found out more than not that it can sometimes be very far from the correct version.

Well August brought with it a young man who had exactly what I wanted. He had the cutting edge of assistive technology in the palm of his hand. He had the vision of a sighted man, but without the vision. He oozed confidence and demanded attention without asking for it. Everything that he embodied was what I needed now more than ever. He had so many of the same qualities that Leona had. It was remarkable. He still amazes me today. Probably more today than before. I know more today just exactly what the level of knowledge that this man has.

Steve sawczyn entered my life in early August, and I have been on screech ever since. He introduced me to a world that I never imagined. He introduced me to a part of my mind that I never knew existed. He brought it all to me with the stroke of a key. He introduced me to a place in this world where people like me have a voice, a say, a place in the sun.

I would be a lot different person today if not for the introduction, or re-introduction to my pc. I don’t even know where to begin, so I guess I’ll start from the beginning.

To be continued…

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