Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2016 06 15 Arms Folded June 15, 2016

I just realized something today. It’s June the 15th, and I haven’t posted anything to my blog yet this month. Am I lazy? Am I busy doing other things? Did I just plain forget? Only my hairdresser knows for sure, and if I had the hair I used to I might actually need one.

I sat here for a second after I opened up a new word document and wondered once again what I should write about. With all that’s going on in the world, I could write about quite a few different things, but I made a commitment when I started this blog, not to write about political things, and even though politics has its grubby little hands in just about everything under the sun, I will try to refrain from doing what I said I wouldn’t do. I tend to get a little carried away with my political opinion from time to time, so don’t worry.

My father got me interested in politics about twenty years ago. I was complaining one day about this and that, and hearing enough, he told me that I should read the constitution, that it might help me with some of the questions that were running round in my head. Well, I did, and my mind has been spinning ever since.

I believe he is up in heaven looking down at me with his arms folded, all the while wearing a huge face filling smile.

He had such a huge impact on my life, and for the most part, I didn’t even realize it most of the time. I knew he was always there, and that when he saw that I needed help, he stepped up to the plate and calmed my inquisitive tone and aching bones.

I was growing so fast as a youngster that the aching bones part is true. I sometimes had to go down stairs at night to have my mother rub alcohol on my legs, for the growing pains were quite intense. She would rub a little on my lower legs, on my shins, and I would return to my bed, sticking my legs out from under the blankets to soak up some cool night air. Usually within a few minutes, I would drift off into lullaby-ville to enjoy the stuff that dreams were made of.

I still don’t know what I want to write about, so I guess I’ll just keep on writing.

Having a set of parents to grow up with is such a gift that I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I feel. I suppose that was the most important thing for me when I became a father. I felt that I owed it to my son to give him a stable home with a semi stable father to rely on. Now, don’t get me wrong, as I felt nowhere as adequate a father as I saw my own father. I’m sure he would tell you the same, and so on down the line. As time changes everything, so too does it change our perceptions. I have watched my son grow into an adult, and the fact that he has tried his best and has kept a working career going for the entirety of his adulthood is a gift that he can hand off to his son with confidence in knowing that he has my admiration and praise.

Believe me when I tell you that when I became a father, I felt as far from being ready to become a father as anything I had ever felt in my life. I guess as we grow towards adulthood, we take what our family teaches us and head out into the world not knowing that we will need to use all of the tools that are at our disposal. Half the time, I didn’t even know I had any tools to use, I just pulled my boot straps up and got on with it. Perhaps that was the most useful tool of all, the one that tells us to keep moving forward, no matter what.

Most of my moving forward days seem to be behind me these days. I might get cocky and take a step ahead now and then, but they feel like baby steps compared to how I used to be. Perhaps they aren’t baby steps, but even bigger steps than before? Perhaps the tools I use today are ones that I never would have thought to use before? Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m a pack rat and I saved every little tool that came my way?

Perhaps my dad is once again looking down at me with his arms folded? If he is, I bet he’s smiling even bigger than a few minutes ago.

With Father’s Day a few days away, I’d like to wish all the dads out there a wonderful day, and trust me when I say that some days you make a difference without even trying, so please, never stop trying.

Isn’t that funny how I just realized what I should write about, and I’m all done.

Grin.

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