Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2014 01 30 Poetry: Tell Me January 28, 2015

Hello again from the great, snowy North East. I wanted to tell you a little about the poem below. I wrote this piece back a few years ago when I was in the middle of the throws of vision loss. I was in a different place, a different frame of mind, and through the pain and suffering that went hand in hand with losing my sight, I have come through, on the other side, a much different person. I have tried to take the obstacles, the situations, the uneasy feelings, and make the best of them. With pain comes growth, and believe me, I have done some growing these past few years.

I thank you all for your support. Without you, I would not be where I am today, and where I am is right where I belong.

Thanks for stopping by, and here we go.

dp

***

Tell Me

Here I sit, alone in my thoughts once again.
Timeless stillness creeps in and out of the lonely night.
Cascading around an endless existence, the piercing shrills of voices past remind me of their purpose.
I hear the story, but can not see the tale.
Once more, I feel for the touch of simple memories, but they elude me yet again.
Trails of feelings, and passions gone by, I reach back to pull my youth to the present, but the resistance is too strong, and the attempt fails.
Here I sit, alone in my thoughts, as the day stretches into tomorrow.
The fears and the worries are for real.
The imagination and wonder are forever.
The pity and sorrow are but mine alone.
I share not these deep seeded chapters, as the stories would surely bore and tire.
Sleepless nights caress nothing.
Waiting for the dawn is a ritual I no longer admire, but still inquire.
I sit here, alone in my thoughts, but crowded with my fears.
surely I would give them all away.
Surely I would trade them in a heartbeat.
Surely I would never harken them again.
Though awake, I feel asleep inside.
Stirring emotions flow and bend as resistance strengthens.
How strong should I be?
How smart should I be?
How scared should I be?
How curious should I be?
So many questions need to be asked.
So many answers need to be heard.
So many inhibitions need to be faced.
So many, so many.
Need you not ask me whether I feel inadequate?
It should be fairly obvious, and all together appropriate.
Like a young child, I shiver as I trudge through the perils and obstacles, one by one.
Hold my hand and guide me through.
Hold my hand and show me the way.
Hold my hand and tell me a tale.
Hold my hand and help me love.
Hold my hand and pull me through.
Tell me what’s on the other side.
Tell me what to expect.
Tell me what to do.
Tell me how to feel.
Tell me when to laugh, and cry, and love.
Tell me what I have been missing.
Tell me. Please tell me.
Don’t leave me in question.
Don’t leave me as alone as I feel.
Don’t leave me to sift through the embers.
Don’t leave me to wonder how, or wander away.
Don’t leave me to fear the smiles, or worship the sorrow.
Don’t leave me without telling me the way out of the never ending forest of doubt.
Don’t leave me sitting here waiting for something that I have never seen.
I have seen a lot, but I still have no vision of lost truth.
Cast away my shame, and teach me to learn.
Teach me how to love.
Teach me how to spare my mind with endless rivers of self made anguish.
The light of the new day hints of things to come.
Slivers of truth carry with them a new found hope.
I can change the visions.
I can change the story.
I can change the fears and worries and inhibitions and everything sour to taste.
It is, after all, mine to behold.
It is, after all, my story.
It is, after all, what I seek.
It is, after all, Inside of me.
I seek the light, and the truth of self inside.
I seek love of self and endless praise of doings.
I seek help, and guidance, and lessons of the teachers of time.
In time, I will find the way.
The journey is marked with tainted promises that have eluded the truth.
The truth is what I search for, and ask about.
The question lives inside me.
Unlock my soul and set my spirit free.
Tell me I am not alone in my thoughts.
Tell me I am not alone.
Tell me, and I will listen.

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2 Responses to “2014 01 30 Poetry: Tell Me”

  1. Virginia Says:

    This is exactly how I have been feeling for a long time. Powerful poem.

  2. PJ Says:

    Deeply touching and vulnerable, Deon. Thank you for sharing this glimpse into another aspect of the truth of who you are, inside and out. An amazing human being. Love You.


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