Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2014 05 07 Open Seas 01 Set Sail May 7, 2014

Open Seas 01 Set Sail

The seas look fairly calm, for now. I look out across the gentle rolling waves, and I can feel the surge of the tides carefully grabbing me from behind and pushing me forward. I’ve never tried anything like this, but then again, there’s a lot of things I have yet to try. It shouldn’t matter that I’m getting older, but I am, and with the tides rising and falling, with the years rolling by, the clock has kept up with the calendar, running right along side.

I think to myself, “If I just hop in, untie the moorings and shove off, perhaps everything will be alright. Perhaps I have learned enough to know how to learn just a little bit more, to sail out just a little further. Perhaps I haven’t had that one experience yet that will shine a bright light on what it is that I seem to keep searching for.”

Boat on the water? With me in it? By myself? Are you serious? The only time I have been in a boat by myself was three of the last four summers, and one of those three adventures ended up with the kayak rolling and me taking a dip. Not once, but twice. I figured, “What the heck. It was so much fun the first time.”.

Fact is, this time, this adventure, this unknown excursion that I’m readying to take out into the open seas, the boat will set sail, and I will be in it. I will take the rudder and I will try to find the opposite shore. Granted, I’m in no hurry, but time will pick me up, stretch my sails and have its way with another part of my life’s journey.

What am I doing here? Where am I going? Who are these voices and why are they speaking to me? I must be dreaming. I must have been thrown into someone else’s life. I must be suffering some kind of mental distortion due to lack of chocolate.

Wouldn’t this have been much simpler about thirty years ago? Shouldn’t I have taken advantage of the benefits of being a younger billy goat? Couldn’t I have done something different with my life if I would have set sail back when it would have been more appropriate? Perhaps this is the most appropriate time in my life to grab the rudder and have at it?

So many questions have crossed my path these past few years. So much doubt and wonder and inner compulsions that have steered me towards this harbor port. I speak of my vision loss quite often, and with good reason, but I don’t think I would be standing on this dock if my sight hadn’t have vanished. I wouldn’t be staring out across the bay, past the outer banks and upon the open sea. I wouldn’t be typing this very post, and you wouldn’t be wondering what I’m talking about.

Perhaps if you come back and visit my blog again, my next few posts may inform you of where my sources of inspiration are taking me, where my boat is sailing to, where the next leg of my journey will lead me.

Perhaps we can discover this together. Perhaps I can tell you what it is that I am feeling, hearing, and sensing. Perhaps you can enlighten me with what I may be able to see, if I could see. Perhaps I will see certain things that you can’t. Perhaps my visions will be able to steer me to open ports never before seen.

Perhaps I need to end this post for now and just…

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