Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2013 08 25 Silhouette August 25, 2013

I saw the faint silhouette of my wife walking by me today. She floated by, effortlessly and swiftly. She didn’t make a sound. She was there one second, and then, she was gone. I waited for the scattered traces of her to bend my vision into the moment, but as quickly as she was there, she was gone. In an instant, the instant was over, and I was left, once again, with my imagination filling in the empty cracks and the hollowed out crevices. I was left with my made up pictures that constantly tumble around my drawer full of illusions. I was left with so many memories of how her eyes looked, how her smile lit up my heart, how the contours of her lovely face used to take me away to places I had never been before.

 

In an instant, it was gone, and I was still standing there, trying to put the faded pieces of the blurred puzzle together.

 

Thank God I still have my little slivers of vision. Thank God I can muster up a visual cue to help me along another few moments of my day. I don’t really know, and don’t want to know what it would be like to be in total darkness. I don’t want to know, and would probably fight for all I’m worth to keep what little vision I have left.

 

I was talking with a friend the other day and they told me that only ten percent of persons with visual impairments are totally blind. I was sort of amazed. I figured the percentage would be much higher, but then again, what the heck do I know.

 

I did think for a moment, and in that moment I realized that there are only two or three folks I have met in the blind community that are totally blind, so I could see where the percentages might be correct. It’s funny, these two or three folks are some of the more inspirational folks I have ever met. Seems all together fitting and proper.

 

When I see a sliver of this, or a dash of that, my mind automatically takes over and fills in the blanks. It does it now without me even having to think about it. It happens in the blink of an eye, as quick as a cricket, and as fast as a billy goat can think. Just like that, the incomplete pictures are cropped, sized, rotated, sharpened and set to music. Just like that, all of the colors, all of the shading and textures and shadowing and every bit of the magic that my brain can conjure up is set in motion. The photo album is flipped through and the catalogue is processed to bring to life the best picture for the job.

 

Back in my picture taking days, I used to love stitching several side by side images together to form one wide angled panoramic picture. I used a couple different image editing programs that enabled picture stitching, or overlaying. I loved to do it. I particularly loved the ones that I created from along the Kennebec river between Bingham and The Forks. I didn’t make a ton of them, but the ones that I did are stored neatly away on my pc hard drive, as well as in my mush melon, and I pull them up from time to time and remember so vividly, not only what they looked like, but what they felt like, and what they still feel like to this day. I remember one in particular. I was standing in the middle of a huge grove of white birch trees. They were spaced far enough apart to give a spectacular, late afternoon view of the river, just beyond them. The sun was glistening off the water, creating a wonderful glitter that carried the image. Swinging my camera from left , to right, I took a dozen or so images of the layout, making sure not to move the sitting position of the camera. That was crucial to get the same angles from the different views.

 

Well, home I arrived and dove I did, head first into the pc. It took some time, roughly a half an hour, but the ending image stole my breath. It was something you could blow up and cover an entire length of wall with. It was perfect, sort of like the image of my wife. The angle of the trees, the lighting of a sunny day, the rolling river in the background, it was absolutely amazing. Right then and there, right as the electricity was rippling through me, I wondered why I hadn’t gone to school to learn photography, because that feeling was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It seemed to give me purpose that I never thought I had. It seemed to be calling me to grab my camera and take another five thousand shots, so, I did. I did, and remember so many of them.

 

I use so many of them today, every day, and I am blessed with it.

 

When my wife walks by me, I dig into the picture library I possess and pull one out that matches the situation. Where I am, how I feel, whatever the situation calls for, I have a picture that fits it, and fits it well. Whether the original picture was taken by my Vivitar digital, or my Lyons internal, they’re all there for me to constantly flip through and enjoy. I used to think that maybe only one out of ten was a keeper back then. Now I’m glad that I kept them all, because I can put them all together and create my own little panoramic display of what used to be, and what is still.

 

So many pictures, so many instances, so many memories of so many things. I know now why I loved to take so many pictures of everything. It felt like I was supposed to take all the pictures, for some reason that back then, I didn’t know of. Everything does really happen for a reason.

 

I am blessed with my experiences. I am blessed with my memories. I am blessed to be able to imagine the images that go with the motions of the day. The faces, the scenery, the shared smiles and laughter that go hand in hand with yesterday’s sunrises will be with me until time finds a way to finally catch up.

 

Thanks to all of you who are the creators of the incredible memories and please, someone hand me another photo album, if you please.

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7 Responses to “2013 08 25 Silhouette”

  1. Glen Foss Says:

    Great writing. I am a friend of Rosemary. She provided me with your blog address. I also enjoy writing. Your style is compelling and your perspective is unique. I am humbled by your courage. You inspire me. Thank you.

  2. Paula Says:

    So interesting to learn how you think and feel as a person who has lost “most” of their vision. How you draw from past visual knowledge to inform current “mental” images and thus, fill in the blanks until you have a panoramic view of things. And that you see it within your mind’s eye, the Inner Eye that never forgets and sees it all, in whatever form your mind pulls it all together, that is. And you teach me to wonder how that very low percentage of the visually impaired “see” when they have not had the privilege of having had sight for some portion of their life, and thus no internal visual memory bank to draw upon. How does ones’ “minds eye” see, or imagine things, people, color, and so forth, without that experience? And therein lies the teaching that you are creating within me, the reader. I get to see, think, wonder and imagine how it works, or doesn’t work, how the miracle of sight, of seeing, isn’t always a physical experience, but so much more. Spiritual, perhaps? And in the end, we all “see” things differently, don’t we? Sight, seeing, understanding…it’s all a matter of personal perception, isn’t it? Hope this class you are offering never ends. So much to learn!!! Thanks for continuing to help me to “see.”

    • dplion Says:

      I truly believe that I am learning a new way to see. I am being taught that with the eyes, the visions are only what they appear to be. There is so much more to them, the sounds, the touch, the smells, they all go together to form the visions of our hearts and souls. Together, they form the perfect sight, the perfect insight into everything that is. I am blind for a reason, and I believe it is so that I can start to see things, from the inside out, as innocently as a child might. Thanks for the comments. You always see things in my writings that help me understand them more myself. dp Deon Lyons Author of “Sully Street” And new release, “Ready, Set, Poetry” Both available in Paperback and Digital @ http://www.amazon.com/D.-P.-Lyons/e/B0034PYDRE/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

      Send me an email @ dplion@roadrunner.com Personal Website http://www.dplyons.com Personal Blog http://www.dplyons.wordpress.com Connect with me on Facebook:: https://www.facebook.com/deon.lyons.9

      “The happiest of people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” Unknown Author

  3. daddylion Says:

    HAVING HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF VIEWING SOME OF YOUR PAMOS.AND PRESENTLY USING A PANO.OF LUBEC ON MY LAPTOP ,I CAN TRUELY ENJOY THE SKILL THAT IS REQUIRED TO PUT THERE TOGETHER . LOVE YOUR PIECE —-KWIL

  4. alice13zoe Says:

    What a breath-takingly beautiful essay! Enjoy all the photo albums of your life! AJM

  5. carol lyons Says:

    the blog takes me back to seeing the beautiful work you did with your camera. your appreciation of mother nature’s true beauty no matter what the season was just so thrilling for all to share. know your still able to remember it all when your mind goes there……….keep remembering,,,cjl


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