I have lived my life in the past , probably as many folks have. I have made friends, learned how to be a kid, experienced life with a wonderful family, gone to school, got involved in sports, bought a car, fell in love, married and had a son, bought a home and got up every day to go to work. It got so that as I slid into my adulthood I seemed to do things mechanically, not knowing, not feeling, not reaching for higher things on the shelf. My complacency was mine, and mine alone. It assured me that things were just fine, and nothing needed to change because, after all, they were still, just fine. I fell into the same thing, at the same time, on the same day, with the same people, time after time, after time. The same shows on TV, the same meals on the table, the same place to park my truck, the van, the lawn mower, and no change seemed to be, just fine.
I didn’t like change actually. It made me feel uneasy. It made me feel uncertain. It made me feel anxious and nervous and cautious and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it at all, and usually found myself doing what ever it took to keep things the same, unchanged. After all, if things stayed the same, they would continue being, just fine.
Changes would come, and changes would go, and overall, most of them were good changes, but still, they were met with my own defense mechanisms trying to block and deflect them back where they came from. I didn’t mind too much with technological change, as I always considered myself a lover of technological advances, and always wanted to keep up with the Jones family. Although, living in Maine could prove to be a challenge to keep up with where the country was, I did my best from time to time, but it seemed as though by the time I had the latest, greatest thing in the palm of my hand, the rest of the country was two versions into the future, looking back at little old Podunk yo, shaking their heads.
I was , and am still, a creature of habit. I like things the same, especially now with certain things. My vision loss has caused me to gather information, process it, then rely and hope on it’s surroundings to never change. I like things the way they are, where they are. I also realize that I am living in a fairy tale thinking that it will be as it is so, forever, or at least until tomorrow afternoon. I try to have a place for everything, and hopefully have remembered to put everything back in its place. It’s funny though, no matter how much I try to prepare and carry through, I end up kicking a dropped plastic cup around the kitchen floor, trying to figure out where it is, so I can eventually pick it up and rinse it out.
Too many variables to be able to keep things the same all the time. Way too many.
The last three years, (here I go, once again, back into the last three years), they have proved to be a constant change for me. They have proven to be a never ending, swirling array of events that would have driven my old, complacent self, crazy. They would have caused so much change back then that I would be a different person who handles things totally differently today. But aren’t I? Am I already, I mean, I am, right?
As I stood in the middle of the kitchen floor on that morning of July 2010, instantly blind, and in the dark, the change swept over me and I couldn’t do a thing about it. The change was instantaneous and permanent. The change was unwanted and unwelcome. The change was grabbing hold of me and turning me into someone else, right before my sightless eyes. The change turned into me, and I turned into it. I knew right there and then that a complete circle had been spun around me, and although I was still facing straight ahead, I was seeing a different future that stretched far out in front of me. Even though I couldn’t see it, I could picture all of it, and it was overwhelming. My total future was coming at me, a hundred miles an hour, and I had to gather all of it up and see what I could possibly make of it. My life, as I knew it, was for the most part, gone. It was behind me, and it couldn’t seem to keep up with the frantic pace of all this new stuff that was coming at me, head on.
I have seen change, felt change, touched change, and lived the change. I have grown with change, learned from change, gotten by with change and made the best of change. I have become part of the changes I have faced, and have been grateful for the changes that have taken place. The feelings, the folks, the challenges, the obstacles and lessons and outcomes, they have all led me to right here, right now. My life is where it is because I have met the change, the challenges, the obstacles and opportunities and worked through some amazing things, and here I am, right where I am supposed to be.
The last year alone has proven to be quite a stepping stone in my life. I have grown more over these past twelve months than any other time in my life. I have learned more about myself, and believe me, some of it has been hard to deal with, but I have done so, and once again, here I am.
My life has taken some incredible twists and turns the past year, and I am a very fortunate man who probably isn’t thankful enough, but thankful none the less.
I finished writing my Sully Street novel back in January, and with the help of my wife have self published it through Amazon. I still pinch myself, and still, I keep on writing. I am working on two new books, and still writing my other pieces. The poetry, short stories, blog posts and other random bursts of who knows what that keeps appearing onto the pc screen, right there in front of me. I love to write, and my writing is starting to take me places.
I have appeared in several online outlets, one of which is a recently published writer’s anthology, comprised of the members of one of the writers groups I belong to.
You can find out about the book, the group, and dig yourself into some amazing writing pieces at the following website:
Although my book, Sully Street has been self published, I submitted the manuscript back in May to a few online publishing sources. I have just recently been approached by one of them to have the book published. Their contract offer caught me completely by surprise, and I am still pinching myself with it all. I don’t know what will come of this offer yet, but there’s only one way to find out.
I have had three or four online internet interviews these past couple months, both for my writings, and my personal story. I have had an online interview done with an incredibly talented video journalist with the Bangor Daily News a couple months ago which was made into an incredible short video piece on their website to promote my book. That day was one that I will never forget, and I have been told that the piece was so well crafted that I couldn’t help but feel blessed and grateful for the opportunity.
My blog is starting to get some attention, and was mentioned on a large internet podcast a few months back. There I was, listening to the podcast one night lying in bed, and they started talking about one of my blog posts, right there on their show. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe. All I could do was point at my iPod and try to say something intelligent to my wife, which I couldn’t manage to do. I think she thought I was asking for another chocolate chip cookie or something.
A few weeks ago, I was asked to speak at an all day conference put on by two separate entities. My hour speech was received so well that I was told I could expect more invitations to present my motivational speech in the future.
I have become a member and have been working with the American Council for the Blind of Maine this past ten months. I have helped them with the editing of their last three ACB Newsletters, and have just recently accepted the position of their ACB website administrator.
Who? Me? Are you sure? Really? Is this what change does?
Things are starting to happen in my life, and it is all brought on by, you guessed it, change. Like it or not, change is all around you. It’s what’s happening, what’s going on and what’s taking place. It’s here, today, right now, this very instant, and you better pay attention, because there’s a good chance that it probably includes you.
I am grateful for these changes in my life since 2010. Although some of the changes were initially perceived by yours truly as being destructive as they happened, in time, and with their completion, they have actually been some of the best stepping stones that have ever been placed in my path, and therefore, I am not only grateful, but excited.
Do you know why?
I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason, and every one of these reasons is surrounded with change.
Change can be very, very good, you know?