Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2013 06 17 Trenditional June 17, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — DP Lyons @ 8:06 am

Ok then. Let’s see.

 

What should I write about now? Any suggestions? I mean, after all, I am very easily persuaded and all. I mean, it’s so much easier to just follow the suggestions, right? It’s a lot simpler to follow directions, ain’t it? It’s a lot less stressful not having to rattle your brain with the big decisions, wouldn’t you agree? Might as well line up with the other hundred and thirty-two thousand lemmings and start walking towards the great white cliffs of wherever, true dat?

 

It’s just such a burden lifter not to have to worry about being held responsible for our own actions, and being able to blame it on someone else, right? I mean, why would I want to jeopardize my own character by being wrong on my own? Why would I want to go out on a limb, and then have no one to point a finger at? Why oh why in a million worlds would anyone want the unbelievably anxious, internal strife’s that go along with being independent, or brave, or courageous, or just someone who enjoys going against the grain? That’s just not the trendy thing to do, is it? Am I using a lot of question marks? Is that annoying you? Are you screaming at me to stop?

 

Ok, ok, I can take a hint, I can take a suggestion, I can take a persuasive tone, after all, I wouldn’t want to ruffle any feathers.

 

On second thought, are there any feathers left out there to ruffle? Have all those cute little ducks been plucked by the trendy pc police? Can a duck float without any feathers?

 

I might as well make a confession, in that I was usually one of the followers, and not one of the movers. I never liked the pressure of having to worry about setting an example. I never did like the bother of feeling like I ticked off a few folks for not following along with everything else, the main stream, the ebb and flow, the norm. I didn’t want to have the pressure of being the rebel, or the abstract dwelling of common human tendencies. I wanted to have a simple, non confrontational life with gradual turns and smooth terrain to navigate through, and I sure didn’t want to ever loose the manual that contained the rules and directions for a boring, non excitable ride.

 

Oh how so much has changed. Oh how so many things have come full circle. Oh how I love the taste of chocolate.

 

Huh? Chocolate? Wait a second.

 

Ok, I’m back. Sorry, I got knocked off balance.

 

I can’t see what everyone else is doing now, but I can hear all their confusion of wondering how to go about doing it just like everybody else. I can hear the wining and complaining and worrying and it all sounds so, familiar. It sounds like a page right out of, yesterday. It all sounds like, umm, well, sort of like that same line of furry little cutie pie animals,, lined up, marching towards a bigger, better, faster, stronger, more reliable tomorrow. That is, if you can make the minimum payments on time.

 

Or are you already maxed out? Don’t worry, there’s another credit card offer waiting for you out in the mail box, or on TV, or in your inbox, or anywhere else you look.

 

Me? I rather prefer to pay cash, but I ain’t got any, so I probably didn’t really need to go out and gobble it up anyway?

 

Things that I used to think I needed, or craved, or wanted, or lusted after, or yearn for, or desired, it all seems like a million spam emails away.

 

I don’t have the luxury of seeing what’s popular these days. I don’t have the same yearnings to go out and get that amazing looking thing on TV. I don’t feel the need to have to have something that everybody seems to need to have. I don’t miss the temptations and the sad, strange feelings after the money was spent for, umm, that? Are you kidding me? Is this what I was waiting to go further in debt for? Really? This?

 

So many times, I would get home with a purchase, and as soon as the door closed behind me and the new item was out of the package, I was already wondering why I bought it, and if I would be able to take it back. Had to have it, don’t really need it, want to take it back.

 

Around and around she goes, and where she stops, the next trend takes over.

 

I’ve written about trends before, and I had no idea that it would be one of the  main focuses of this blog post. Sorry about that, but after all, I am a rebel, and rebels type what they want, right?

 

I don’t want to be left out in the dark with anything, but then again, if you go and walk out into the dark quite often, sooner or later, there you are, out there, alone in the dark. Duh? Seems like there’s a simple solution to me. Always carry a sliver of sunshine in your back pocket. No worries, no bothers, no disputable conflicts, just you, your back pocket, and a sliver of,,, Huh? what’s that? Really? You mean a sliver of sunshine isn’t considered trendy any more?

 

Huh?

 

It never really was?

 

Are you kidding me?

 

Go figure.

 

I realize now that it’s sort of difficult to follow what I can’t see. I can hear it, but without being able to see what’s up ahead, well, I’ll probably be moving at a slower, more realistically cautious  pace, so you go on up ahead, with everyone else, just like everyone else, along side, you guessed it, everybody else. Might as well be just like everybody else, right? I mean, it’s trendable, and it’s in cooperation with the norm.

 

Bump and turn, walk and trip, step and stumble. It’s all just too crowded for me and my cane. Besides, I would get anxiety surges, brought on by the fear of tripping a couple of you. And groping? Well, a little inadvertent grope every now and then isn’t so bad, is it? I mean, I do have a pretty distinguishable excuse that should entitle me some societal leeway and peer compassion, right?

 

Ok, now I’ve gone and done it. I can’t even remember what topic I hoped this entry would run towards.

 

Oh ya, trends.

 

They are so predictable, so marketable, so easily abused, so mundane, so reversible, so clever and so over exaggerated. They can prop you up, slam you down, point you out, and cover you up.

 

I used to be sort of trendy. I used to go with the flow. I used to dress accordingly, at least so I thought, and talk appropriately while eating with the appropriate food gathering utensil, and go in through the in door only. I used to follow the leader and hardly ever ask questions. I used to be, for the most part, just like the guy in front of me, and somewhat similar to the one directly behind me. I used to never veer off the well worn path and never ever wondered why I had bought the newest and greatest fad, that is, until I got it home and out of the box. I never hardly ever asked why, and I never dreamed about going the other way. Well, I guess that’s not exactly true. Some times trying to be like everyone else forced me to take some time to remember who “I” was. That’s an easy thing to forget when you’re trying to be like everyone else.

 

The guy I used to see in the mirror has been, for the most part, reformatted. He has handed me though, so many things that have helped me to form the person that everyone else sees now, but it’s not the same trendy guy that used to stare back at me in the reflected glass.  I don’t like to get in line any more, probably for the sole reason that I can’t see where the line is going. I can’t see the expressions on the faces in line. I can hear the voices and make up my own interpretation of the expressions though, and those are two of the things that I used to overlook before.

 

I have asked God for guidance on many occasions, and well, here we go. I do plan on moving forward, now and forever. I do plan on making tracks with a forward progression, and even though my sense of direction isn’t what it used to be, It is “my” direction, and in these three short years, it has taken me to places I never dreamed of before. I haven’t gotten in line, I haven’t followed the norm, I haven’t dressed like everyone else, and yes, plaids go well with stripes, don’t they? I mean, look at me! Billy goats gone wild on the fashion runway! Joan Rivers would have a field day with me on most days. Color coordinated for every occasion.

 

Obscure topic tangent detected and immediately terminated. Pre-existing data stream process regrouped, reformatted, and rejoined.

 

The amazing array of new and unexpected feelings that I have stumbled upon are, well, they are unbelievably exciting and unpredictably electrifying, and I’m only halfway through chapter one.

 

I ain’t got a clue what’s in store for my cane and me. I don’t have any idea where this road is gonna take me. I don’t have a manual, and it all feels so incredibly, normal. I seem to enjoy the thrill of not knowing, and although I do worry my self into puddles of anxiety every so often, it’s been one learning experience after another.

 

By the way, do I look any smarter these days? If I don’t, don’t tell me I do, I mean, you don’t have to try and make me feel, trenditionally normal, Ok?

 

Well now, let’s see. What could I write about now?

Hmm?

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5 Responses to “2013 06 17 Trenditional”

  1. daddylion Says:

    boy are you on the money with this one son,truely hits a memory note of mine love it,well done dp kwl

  2. Paula Says:

    Always a lesson in your blogs, for all of us. Thanks. D! Well done, as always. xo pj

  3. I seem to have the knack of annoying people without trying. Never did I like to be a part of the crowd. This came out of necessity since the neighbourhood kids threw rocks and called me names. I learned to be a rock and an island. I didn’t have books and poetry to protect me but I did have a radio. Never did I enjoy rooming with anybody. When I could, I lived alone. I touched no one and no one touched me. I was a rock. I was an island. A rock feels no pain and an island never cries.

    • dplion Says:

      But still, I would imagine the emotions were there. They were real, as real as you. The torment, ridicule and pain we feel as children help to mold us and shape us into who we become as adults. All of the pain and anger and hurt that I went through and felt as a child, with all of it carried into my adulthood, I am still able to live and love. I am still able to remember the good times, even though they were crowded out at times with those other instances. I am blessed for the experiences, and thankful for the stepping stones that went along with them. dp

      Deon Lyons Author of Sully Street Now Available in Paperback @ The Children’s Book Cellar, Downtown Waterville Also Available in Paperback and Digital at the Following Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C4ZHD0O email dplion@roadrunner.com Personal Website http://www.dplyons.com Personal Blog http://www.dplyons.wordpress.com Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/deon.lyons.9

      “The happiest of people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.” Unknown Author

      • How true. I’m so glad I learned in whose hands I can place all my bad experiences and hurt. My hope is that those who read How I Was Razed: A Journey from Cultism to Christianity will do likewise.


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