Surviving

Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2013 01 23 Right Here, Right Now January 23, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — DP Lyons @ 8:43 pm

Am I supposed to be right here? Am I supposed to be, right, here? It all feels pretty comfortable. It all feels familiar, and right. It all feels like it’s the right place, and the right time, but is it? I mean, who really knows if I am supposed to be right here, or somewhere else?

 

I don’t think I am supposed to be somewhere else. If I was, wouldn’t you think I would be there instead? Why would I have spent so much time being here? Why wouldn’t someone have told me, “Hey, you! You’re supposed to be over there, not over here!” I suppose that if I were over here, and someone told me I was supposed to be over there, then it was a good thing I was over here to begin with, otherwise, that dude wouldn’t have had to tell me I was supposed to be over there, which he was probably scheduled to do anyways, right? I think I would probably know the difference anyways, I mean, who would know better than me where I am supposed to be, right?

 

I have told myself this many, many times, especially when things aren’t going as planned, or incredibly wrong, or extremely bad. I have tried to convince myself that no matter what is happening in my life, no matter how bad things seem, no matter how humiliating, or exhausting, or painful, or embarrassing, or dangerous, or wonderful, or painful, or incredibly trying, or painful, or pain filled, or painful, or pain free free, it is what is meant to be, and I am the person that is meant for it to be happening to, right where I am.

 

Does that make sense? Does that even make any sense? I hope so, and think so, and believe with all my heart that it does, and will continue to keep telling myself, over and over again, that it is indeed me that needs to be here, right here, exactly where I am, at the exact time that it is, or was, or will be. It’s pretty simple, when you get right down and work your brain through it. It’s probably one of the simplest things I have ever pondered upon.

 

I am right were I am supposed to be.

 

I wonder though, sometimes, if I am right where I am supposed to be, how come, all those times, it ended up with me doing something stupid? Why did it end up with me getting in trouble? Was I supposed to do that, or be there too? If I had only done this, instead of that, then so much confusion and punishment could have been avoided, but then again, I wouldn’t be who I am, or where I am, maybe, if I hadn’t been there when those things happened, right?

 

I’m getting confused over here! Right here! Confusion! Me! Am I supposed to feel as confusified right now, as I am writing this? What am I supposed to do now?

 

I guess I’ll just keep on doing what I have been doing a lot of these past couple years. I’ll keep on typing, and work the words until I find the next place I am supposed to be.

 

Isn’t it wonderful? I mean, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we were all where we were supposed to be? Wouldn’t it be amazing if everything that was supposed to be getting done was, in fact, getting done, and by the people who were supposed to be doing it? Wouldn’t it be amazingly ironic if we were all on time, on schedule, on pace, on the nose and on the ball? I think that would be just like, wicked awesome! Maybe that’s how the world keeps turning? Maybe if a lot of us are late, we were supposed to be late? Maybe if everything I touched, broke, it was waiting for me to touch it because it was supposed to break to begin with, I suppose? Maybe it’s all written in the cosmos, and we are all acting out the roles that we have all agreed in taking a lifetime to learn?

 

I sometimes worry if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel like the right thing to do, but then I would be contradicting my self, right? Sometimes, it just feels awkward, and it feels like I should be doing something else, instead of, this. Not right now, but, sometimes.

 

I especially don’t like after I have done something, and it has gone incredibly wrong, and I ask myself, “Why did I do that?” I hate that probably most of all. I can get over someone else doing foolish things, but me? Aren’t I, or shouldn’t I know better? Shouldn’t I have most of this figured out? By doing that latest stupid thing, was there a lesson tucked away in there somewhere that was meant for me? Probably so, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

 

As you                                                                          all can plainly see, I talk to myself quite a lot. I must be talking to myself because I am supposed to be, right?

 

Hello me. How are I doing?

 

Well, enough of this. I think it’s time I am supposed to do something else.

 

No matter where you’re supposed to be, have fun doing what you are supposed to do, and say hello to everyone you’re supposed to meet.

 

Have a great time experiencing the day that is supposed to happen to you.

 

                        Until we meet again, probably exactly when we’re supposed to.

Advertisements
 

4 Responses to “2013 01 23 Right Here, Right Now”

  1. I do plenty of talking to myself. Before my late husband Bill had his strokes, he heated it when I did that, but after the strokes, he said he liked it because he knew what I was doing since he was totally blind. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to break the habit, but maybe it’s a habit I don’t need to break. Anyway, I’m glad you’re here and hope you’ll be here for a long time.

  2. Paula Says:

    Well, little, Big Brother DP, here we are again, and you’re right, exactly where we’re supposed to be. This was a beautiful, deep look, self discussion, if you will, on what this life is all about. Knowing, believing, that you are the sum total of all of your life experiences, good, bad, indifferent, wrong, right, mean, kind, sweet, stupid, crazy or filled with love and the best of intentions, or things that hit you up side the head with shock, amazement, wonder, bafflement, questioning, or a deep wondering of the ways of the universe, which, in this blog, you’ve definitely got a good handle on. Keep writing down those bones, Dear Brother, keep writing and by doing so, enriching all of our lives. How lucky are we, to have you??? Beyond belief!! LU. Your mountain sister.

    • dplion Says:

      And here we are, right back where we’re supposed to be. Another fun filled day, with my tongue stuck to a metal light pole. Big Hug from the ridge. dp

      Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

      Vivian Green

  3. i became a regular follower of your blog. thanks for all the good info. lista de emails lista de emails lista de emails lista de emails lista de emails


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s