So, here we are, once again, heading into another wonderful new year full of unexpected twists and unannounced turns. Here we are, once again, turning the corner towards another three hundred sixty-five glorious days full of the happy unknown and the amazing unrehearsed. Here we are, once again, having made it through another year, having roared and rolled through another holiday season, having hurdled the obstacles and dodged the telephone poles and ducked down under the low lying tree limbs. Here we are, once again, and here we go, once again. 2012, for me, was a blur of trials and errors. It was a year full of a lot of firsts, with the usual anxiety that goes along with them. It was a year full of amazing folks, amazing feelings, amazing days and amazing grace. It was a year that took me to places I had never been before, to meet people I had never met before, to learn things that I never knew before, and to be thankful for things I never had before. It was a year full of learning and striving and questioning and crying and laughing and frustration and humility and love and praise and thanks. It was a year that I will never forget, and it was a year that probably ended up preparing me for 2013. I have no idea where 2013 will take me, nor do I have any idea what I will end up with at the end of it. I have no idea what to expect or what will happen or how it will affect me. Did I spell affect right? I get mixed up between affect and effect sometimes. Am, are, be, is, was, were. I, we, he, she, they, me, us, him, her, them, it, you. There, that’s better. I used to worry so much about things that hadn’t happened yet. I used to fret about the unknown, working myself into a frenzy of anxiety that didn’t help me in the least. Usually, all the worrying was for not, as the end result was hardly ever as I had been imagining, and never as disastrous as I had created in my whirling imagination. I have a lot to look forward to in 2013, and I hope I never lose sight of all the positivity that surrounds it. I also realize that all of it is entirely up to me as to how it all turns out. It’s up to me to approach all of it with an open mind and curious heart. It’s up to me to be able to work through and sort out and figure out and ask why and politely say yes and no and graciously accepting and lending voice and paying attention and remaining humble and deflecting the doubt and absorbing the good and remembering to be thankful for it all. There are so many options out there to influence us and torment us and detour us and help us and praise us and teach us and warn us and love us and prop us up and yes, tear us down. It’s all out there, and it’s all for the taking, if you choose it, that is. Yes, it’s all out there, and most of it is free. No down payment, no credit check, no interest, and you don’t have to worry about doing something stupid that voids any worthless warranties. It’s absolutely, completely, amazingly free, and it’s all mine! If I choose it anyway. I have a lot of work still ahead of me in this upcoming New Year. I have so much I need to work on and learn and figure out, and it’s all up to me. I have so much that I’ve learned and figured out already, but you see, I have a habit of becoming complacent and just accepting things as the way they are without worrying about what else is out there, for me. I have a habit of not wanting change, and going to great lengths to avoid it. I am a creature of habit, and normalcy tends to feel quite nice to me, so why change it? I’ll tell you why change it! If I sit on my dusty, rusty butt and get all comfy with the way things are, how will I ever be able to continue growing? How will I ever be able to keep moving ahead to the next challenging obstacle? How will I ever be able to keep up with this big blue spinning marble? How on earth will I ever be able to feel good, knowing that I had passed up on so many amazingly wonderful things? How the heck will I ever be able to feel good about myself, knowing that the train towards tomorrow stopped out in front of my house every morning, and all I did was watch it out through the front window? How could anybody? All of those hidden inner fears and roller coasting anxieties and bouncing balls of uneasy inhibitions have had their way with me in the past, and believe me when I tell you that there were many days when I would do anything to avoid them. There were those days though, where I pretended to have the courage to go out and jump on that train, and it wasn’t long before all the pretending became natural and I was able to consistently run out the front of the house and hurriedly sprint after the caboose, jumping on at the last minute before the train steamed around the corner and out of view. The view from the caboose was where I had been and where I was, but that was better than the view out the front window of an empty train track. I’m still working my way through the train, one car at a time, so I can possibly get a better view of what’s up around the next corner. It’s a wicked long train, with three hundred and sixty-five cars, and I hope I get the chance to say hi to all of you somewhere along the way. Happy New Year!
2013 01 03 Wicked Long Train! January 3, 2013