Oh great! Another Christmas! Just what I need! Another fun filled month of ice and snow and cold temps and bitter winter chill! Deck the halls with a layer of icy crust and whaddya got? A hazardous health condition, that’s what you got! Walking through a winter wonderland, slip on the ice, and, Boom, down goes Frasier! Down goes Frasier! I can hear Howard Cosell hollering into the microphone for crying out loud! There ya go, rushing to the Emergency Room again, with your injured ego and misplaced hip in a twist. It’s ok though, cuz you can watch A Christmas Carol on your iPad, or iPhone, or i whatever you have on your way to a hospital bed, no worries! You might as well check out your facebook page while you’re at it and, what? Oh how lovely, a video of you, falling on the ice, that someone else posted already. How thoughtful of them! Frigging nummahs! I mean, holy moly, why couldn’t we have Christmas in July anyway? Oh, that’s right, I almost forgot. Sorry baby Jesus. My bad.
You know, with all the Christmas lights, and songs, and commercials, and on and on and on! What do I care anyway? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t seen it all before, right? The same thing, over and over again. Bring in the tree, sweep up the needles, decorate the tree. Don’t forget to take the afternoon off to untangle the lights now. Here, you have at ’em! I can’t see what I’m doing anyways.
Why should we even care about the holiday season. I mean, why should I care if the Grinch makes it to the top of the mountain? Do you think that little Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two, gives a crap? I mean, she probably has more important things to worry about, you know, like the fact that she can barely make it back up into her bed, she’s so short. For crying out loud! Why should I care? I mean, who gives a flying fart if Ralphy talks his folks into buying him a bb gun for Christmas. He’ll probably end up shooting his eye out anyways, and can someone please grab a roll of duct tape and wrap up that stoopid magician that keeps trying to get his top hat back from Frosty! I can’t stand listening to that little girl with the ear muffs cry any more! And who really cares about an abominable snowmonster with no teeth? They should have named him The Abominable
Gumster instead for pete’s sake!
Deck the halls, joy to your jingle bells, silent frozen night, it’s all maddening I tell ya! Christmas songs playing on the radio, non stop, from Labor Day on it seems like! Christmas trees and wrapping paper and colored lights and fruit cakes and ginger bread houses and toy trains and planes and baseballs and footballs and sleds and pies and cookies and chocolate pudding and eggnog and garland and popcorn strings and bows and ribbons and wishbooks and tinsel and mistletoe and candy canes and Christmas hams with Christmas dinners full of Christmas food and Christmas cards and kids smiling and hollering and screaming and people singing at the top of their lungs, out of tune I might add. The noise, the noise, the noise! Someone just take my ear drums and stomp on them, I mean, please! Mickey Mouse’s Christmas, and Charlie Brown’s Christmas and The Walton’s Christmas and Tim Allen getting fatter by the minute. Are you serious? The nutcracker suite and The Vienna Boys Choir and The London Symphony Orchestra and Windham Hill and Bing, Sammy, Dean, frank, Donny and Marie and Karen Carpenter and The Manhattan Transfer and how many Christmas songs are there anyway? It’s making me dizzy! Someone tell them to stop!
Someone make it stop! I mean, is this Polar Express train ever going to reach the North Pole?
I don’t care I tell ya! I’ve seen it all, heard it all, smelled it all before and tasted it all before, and it never changes! It’s always the same thing! Do I look like I care if the Bailey building and loan goes under? Why don’t they just let old man Potter have at it anyway! And someone please tell Charlie Brown that the tree he picked out is pitiful! I mean, come on! I mean, it seems like we just get finished celebrating one Christmas, and another one comes knocking at the door! It never ends!
I know, you all think I am a Scrooge McDuck, not wanting the celebration, not wanting the wonderful holiday feel, not wanting the chorus of spirit and peace running through my veins. You all probably think I am a big old bah humbug of a billy goat, wishing it all to go away, wanting it all to end, waiting for it all to stop.
Fooled ya! Or did I!
Truth be known, I am about as much of a softie about the holiday season as any rusty dusty teddy bear you will ever know. I get all foggy inside when I hear a frigging Hallmark commercial on TV for crying out loud. When I hear the Regency Singers version of Silent Night, I cry. When I hear Ave Maria, I start welling up inside. When the little boy sees the reflection of Santa coming up behind him, in the ancient jingle bell that he is holding, I lose it. When I hear the familiar ringing of a Salvation Army kettle bell, I fight back my emotions and thank God that I have some change in my pocket to drop in the kettle.
You see, Christmas has had a magic spell on me ever since I was old enough to know who Santa Clause was. Between Santa, and the Lord Jesus, I have cause to celebrate and be thankful that I can hear the magic of the season all around. I used to be overwhelmed with emotion at the sound of our son on Christmas morning. The excitement in his voice as he tore through his wrapped presents. I was able to experience that magical feeling all over again as I listened to our grandson do the same. The innocence of the children makes for such a wonderful feeling, I just can’t explain it the way I would like to.
Call me crazy, but when it comes to Christmas, I am just a kid at heart. I still get caught up with it all, and I bubble over with anticipation. It truly is a wonderful time of year, and when you spend it with wonderful family and friends, what more could you ask for?
I used to try and stay up as late as I could, watching out the window, trying to see the lights of Santa’s sleigh on Christmas eve through a frosted window pane. I used to fight away the slumber of the night, clinging tightly to staying awake, until, before I knew it, I was waking up, Christmas morning, and all of the magic had snuck in and managed to come true, once again, and it was downstairs, just a few dozen footsteps away. The magic of a wintery wonderland, full of the spirit of Christmas had come to visit us again. Oh, what a wonderful time to be a kid.
May you all feel the uplifting magic of the season, and may you all be surrounded by the same gift of love that has been handed down and cherished through the ages.
After all, ’tis the season, you know?