I clicked on a link this morning in an email from my father. It took me to a site with a video. the video was a heart warming rendition of the old familiar song, “The Battle Hymn of The Republic”.
I waited a second for the video to load, but not too long. Thank heavens for high speed.
As the video started, and the orchestra and singers poured out into my computer room, a feeling took hold of me. It washed down through me from my head to my toes. It grabbed hold of me from the inside, out, and as I sat there listening to the glorious sounds emitting from my pc speakers, I was taken back to a time when I was around three years old in our home in Gorham. I can remember that it was a day like any other day, with my mom working around the house, doing cleaning chores, and me, just being a three year old version of me. There was music playing on the radio, and as I listened to it, I began crying. I didn’t know why, but there was something about the song that just picked up my insides, and moved them, right over there.
It was a similar song as the one I listened to this morning, in that it was a patriotic song about America. I always seem to be greatly moved when it comes to my country, and the love I have for it.
I can remember my mother coming up to me and asking why I was crying. I remember telling her, or shrugging my shoulders, that I didn’t know why. I remember her putting her hand on my shoulder, kissing me on the top of the head, patting me on the butt, and setting me on my merry little kid way. The world was right, my family was whole, and I loved my country as any unsuspecting three year old could.
Forty eight spins around the yearly clock later, and here I am, crying like a baby, listening to a moving melody that seemed to open my heart and spill my soul out into today. I had a good quick cry, saved the email with the link in my “mom and dad” folder, and went on to the next email.
I had seemed to wake up this morning with a steady, burdening doubt that was wrapped all around my morning. I didn’t feel just right, and I didn’t really know why.
I get like that sometimes. It’s like all of the worries from deep inside come rushing out and just stand there, in front of me, blocking my view. I hate it when that happens. I hate the feeling of unrelenting worry, and doubt, and the feeling of being unsure about it all.
Well, there I was, listening to the video, thinking, and crying, and reflecting. Once again I found myself picturing the faces of my family. My mom and dad, brothers and sisters. I pictured each one of them, one at a time, doing certain things that only they could do.
Well, all at once, those unwelcome feelings of doubt and worry washed down and out of me, as quick as they had come. I was mindfully transformed from the inside out. The feeling was wonderfully familiar, and completely welcome. I thought of my son running through the house with his three year old footie pajamas on. I thought of my father grabbing hold of my knee really quick as we rode along in his work truck, and hollering, “Hey!”, and scaring the jelly beans out of me. I thought of my mother shaking her finger at me, with a hint of a smile in her face. I thought of sitting on the bed and playing, or losing at cards with my sister Terri. She also had a hint of a smile too.
I thought of Paula, looking at me, with that same smile on her face that has soothed my weary mind oh so many times. Barry, my older brother, throwing a baseball at me so hard that you could hear it spitting at you halfway to you, and me catching it as he stood there amazed that I caught it. And how could I ever forget the little blond headed banshee of a brother, running at me, screaming his head off, trying with all his might to beat down his older brother with an unrelenting attack from the Western Front.
I thought of the tear rolling down my wife’s cheek when I said, “I do.”, and the sparkle in the eye of my grandson Jack as I looked into his eyes for the first time.
I can’t quite explain why this all made sense to me, except to tell you that it did, and I didn’t argue with it.
As I tried to choke down another breath, I sat there, thinking, and feeling. My battery had been recharged, and I thanked God. I thanked Him for family, and all of the wonderful things that mine has brought along for the ride.
I forwarded the email, with the link to the song, to the usual recipients of the emails that I find worthy of forwarding.
If just one person opens up that email, listens to the song, and gets even the tiniest similar feeling that I did, well, It was worth the forward.
I didn’t really know where this short little story was going when I started it, but I’m glad I did.