Feeling the warmth of the sun on a cloudy day. A glimpse into a blind billy goat's unique, ever changing perspectives.

2012 03 31 My Grandson April 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — DP Lyons @ 9:38 pm
My Grandson Jack turns six tomorrow. Six years have gone by since I held him tightly, for the first time, cupped between my two hands. Six years have gone by since I stared into those big baby blues, while I wiped a tear from mine. Six years have gone by in the blink of an eye.
He comes up to my waist now. He is getting pretty tall, and I am shrinking. I think he is winning. I feel the same age, except for the time that has gone by since he entered our lives.
I see so many things in him. When I hear him laugh, when I grab him and hug the stuffing out of him, when I think back when his father was his age. It all comes rushing back at me.
Have I changed much in twenty something years? Have I turned from a father, into a grandfather without even knowing it? I still feel the same, except for the aches and pains of growing older. I suppose that I do look at things totally different now.
My grandson turns six years old tomorrow. I can hardly believe my eyes. Where did the time go? Who ripped all of the pages of the calendars off?
I wonder what he thinks of when he thinks of me. I wonder if it is the same sort of feelings that I had when I thought of my own grandparents? I wonder if I seem the same to him as they did to me? How did I get here? In my wildest dreams, I never thought of myself as a mature enough adult to ever be thought of as a grandfather. I mean seriously, that’s a lot of responsibility isn’t it?
I think back at how I felt when I first became a father. It really isn’t that much different, other than there are a heck of a lot more responsibilities.
I don’t know how I ever fared as a father, other than how my son reacted, and reacts to me. I tried to do the best I could, but what the hell did I know? Most of the time, I was just trying to figure out who I was, never mind who my son thought I was.
It all went by in a blur. Just one big blur.
I tried to pull as many of the memories ahead with me, but it all happened so fast, I never really knew what hit me.
My grandson Jack turns six tomorrow, and I am wondering if he realizes how fast his life will fly by. I am wondering if he ever thinks about his dad, and his grandfather the same way that I, or his dad did? I wonder if he will ever know to grab hold tight to as many memories as he can.
I seem to recall someone telling me to live it and love it, because it comes and goes wicked, wicked fast. I seem to recall never thinking I would ever grow up. My wife still thinks the same. Smile.
I try to think of how to act, of how to behave, of what to talk to him about. I try to think of what my grandfathers meant to me. I try to remember how it felt when I hugged them, or sat and listened to them. It seems like so long ago. A different time, with different people, living different styles of lives. It was just different.
My grandson Jack turns six years old tomorrow.
Happy Birthday to my Grandson,
Jack Matthew.

One Response to “2012 03 31 My Grandson”

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